M & i were married in Vegas in a rather impromptu fashion (NO, I wasn't pregnant!) at the Graceland Chapel. Hey - if you're going to do Vegas, what's the point in trying to class it up?! (I will have you know for the record that Jon Bon Jovi was married here, and the sign outside proves it). Dissapointingly, we were on a tight budget, and couldn't afford to have Elvis himself seal the deal. Instead we had some lady with a seriously outdated hairdo conduct the ceremony. We requested no music, no flowers, no walking down the aisle, no religious references. "Can we just STAND HERE and you say what you have to say?" I asked. (why perpetuate the myth that all little girls grow up fantasizing about their wedding day?).

She seemed to have a problem with the fact that we wanted no music, and kept pushing, saying, "ARE you sure? But are you SURE?" So we opted for what she promised would be "classic standards," played at a very low volume. She pushed play, and the strains of "Unchained Melody" began. Not exactly my first choice (which remember now, was nothing), but it certainly wasn't offensive. She began the ceremony, and frankly, I wasn't hearing a word she was saying. All I kept thinking about was the fact that this was a most surreal situation, and when would it be done so we could go have dinner back at the Venetian?) I guess the Eisley Brothers finished, because when I snapped back to attention, it was to Peabo Bryson and... whoever... crooning "Tonight, I Celebrate My Love For You." SERIOUSLY. How bad is THAT? In that moment, all I could do was smile... then giggle... then laugh... and laugh and laugh and laugh. All the way through the remainder of the proceedings (thank god they didn't last anymore than 15 minutes). M., trying to respect the solemnity of the occasion, squeezed my hands tightly and tried to stare meaningfully into my eyes... but C'MON! Vegas? Graceland Chapel? Bad hair? Peabo Bryson?

Anyhow, when all the vows were said and done (and I swear I don't remember a word), we signed our Marriage Certificate, and sprung for the commemorative $15 "Graceland Chapel: Our Wedding" album, to keep it safe from harm. I have to wonder, though, if the marriage is truly legal, as Ms. Outdated Hairdo botched the date, and had to apply liquid paper to the document, then re-write the appropriate date on the line. Hmmm... something tells me that liquid paper on an official document would NOT hold up in a court of law... I mean, she didn't even put her initials by the corrected date. Yikes.